I am a writer at a loss for words.

Rather, I’m a writer at a loss for a word. One single word. A word I am desperately searching for in my over-worked brain. One solitary word I need to express myself. A word I need to explain my next thought, connecting to the other words that will form sentences which will subsequently create paragraphs and finally turn into a story. But I cannot find the word to inch me forward.

I am so frustrated I may have to resort to a Google search, but how can I Google something if I don’t know the word? Arghh!

Vicious cycle of nothingness.

The reason for my word quest was caused by a pleasant jaunt through the neighborhood with my good boy, my Golden boy. We took the road less traveled this particular afternoon because I wanted to snap photos of the forsythia bushes in bloom on the other side of the fence in my backyard. Glorious golden yellows in full bloom, so briefly in season. A few weeks at best. I wanted to catch the vibrancy and full color as the sun was descending on this brisk, almost-spring day.

Off we went, traversing rougher terrain than normal as I cajoled my furry boy to trust me. We could manage this route.

We got to the bottom of the gentle incline behind my home where I snapped an appropriate number of photos of the forsythia bushes to store away for another day. I turned around to look back at my house, a view I don’t often see from this angle, when it hit me: I have seen this house before. In an earlier lifetime, another lifetime, a younger lifetime.

Yes, I first viewed this house close to forty years ago.

It was Deja-vu. Ah-ha! I came up with a word after all - but I know, I just know, I have viewed this home from this exact spot some forty years before. Long before I even dreamed of living in this town let alone living at this location. Creepy might be a better word. Chilling, because now I have chills thinking how full circle my life has come.

No, I finally have it! Halfway into my article and I have found the word. Well, I have recalled the word I was searching for to describe this sudden Deja-vu moment. Prophetic. Destiny. Okay, I have two words now. A lightbulb moment of epic proportions.

I did not know when I was twenty years old that one day I would make this place my own. I was driving to visit my sister in her first post-college apartment outside of a major city. Handwritten directions, the good old-fashioned kind, guided me to her new place. There was no Route 476 completion yet, so my handwritten directions took me on the exact road behind the exact home I would one day own.

I remember glancing at this village of homes every time I drove by to visit my sister, always admiring their contemporary look and feel (They had just been built, coincidently, but I did not know this until I bought my home and found out the construction year. It was a good moment for the mid-80s).

Fast forward twenty years, and I ended up driving by this house, this village, every day for the next twenty as I lived less than a mile from this enclave of homes. A hidden gem, discreetly disguised by the purposely planted foliage. Well done, mature trees. Quietly, my unit sat waiting, all these years, to be vacant at the exact moment I needed it.

And just as the prophecies destined, it is now mine. I finally sit on the inside looking out.

We have all had moments like this in our lives, the a-ha revelation, the sense of having been there, done that before. But forty years later? Just wow. It seems I have been circling, honing-in, inadvertently making daily drive-bys, unsuspecting of my future home. Yet here I am, settled and with my word choice in place, or should I say, word choices?

The moment of reflection while I snapped pictures of the forsythia may have been Deja-vu, but this house, my home…it was my destiny.

Readers and writers alike, if you can think of another word choice that captures the moment, the feeling I was desperate to find, please feel free to share in the comments. Everyone can participate in my Word Search Edition!

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